Hangman Game in Communist China
Child #1: Ok, here’s my hangman. ___ ___ ___
Child #2: A?
Child #1: Aww man. ___ A ___.
Child #2: Must be another vowel. E?
Child#1: Ha ...
The Too Cool Club
Hey Gang! Here’s the rundown: my house, 7:30pm, the first meeting of the Too Cool Club. My mom will cook up some mozzarella sticks and we can talk ...
Interview Formality
- You seem well qualified. We’re almost done. At this point in the interview I’m required to ask if you are a user of any controlled or illegal substances ...
Elevator Manual
In Case of Elevator Stoppage
The first thing to do if you are trapped in an elevator is explain to the woman with whom you are trapped that you’re really sorry you hit the emergency stop button. Explain that all you were thinking was that you’d never made out in an elevator before and you really thought you were getting vibes from her. Tell her you didn’t realize the elevator can’t be restarted after an emergency stop, and that there’s probably still time if she changes her mind about the make out thing.
After 15 minutes, try to find the most nonchalant way to decide to sit down on the floor. After half an hour, explain to the woman that time will pass faster if you try to think in slow-motion. Tell her you learned this in the army. Try to suppress your lie twitch. After an hour, just start crying. Let it out. It’s been a truly horrible day.
A little over an hour in, start trying to escape the elevator. Try punching out a ceiling tile. Plan to say, “Let’s get out of here, babe,” the moment you move that tile. When your punching breaks the lights in the elevator, be happy that you got all your crying out earlier. In the pitch black, imagine you’re in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean, about to discover Atlantis, which you will rename Paultropolis.
When the maintenance people get you out of the elevator after an hour and fifteen minutes, don’t try to explain why you took most of your clothes off in the steely darkness. Don’t even try.
