Commencement Speech at My Dog College
Well, you did it guys. You graduated! (Loud barking) Heel! Heel, Fletcher! Spray him, Professor Randolph! Great. Perfect. Congratulations once again.
When I founded this Dog College four years ago ...
Twins
It’s not easy having a conjoined twin that’s deaf-mute.
At a Job Interview
ME: Hey, I’m Josh and this is my Siamese twin Fred. We’re applying ...
Oedipus Complex
According to Freudian theory, all boys unconsciously desire to murder their fathers and sleep with their mothers.
– Listen, son. I know what you’re going through.
– Dad what are you ...
The Athenian Assembly
CITIZEN 1: We shall now vote on Demetrios’ right to residence within the city.
CITIZEN 2: All in favor say yea? All opposed, nay?
CITIZEN 1: Yes.
CITIZEN 2: Got it. Let’s proceed.
CITIZEN 1: Yea.
CITIZEN 2: Nay.
CITIZEN 3: Nay.
CITIZEN 4: Yea.
CITIZEN 5: Yea.
CITIZEN 6: Nay.
CITIZEN 7: Nay.
CITIZEN 8: Nay.
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CITIZEN 10: Yea.
CITIZEN 11: Yea.
CITIZEN 12: Nay.
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CITIZEN 14: Yea.
CITIZEN 15: Yea.
CITIZEN 16: Nay.
CITIZEN 17: Yea.
CITIZEN 18: Nay.
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CITIZEN 20: Yea.
CITIZEN 21: Yea.
CITIZEN 22: Nay.
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CITIZEN 24: Yea.
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CITIZEN 27: Yea.
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CITIZEN 31: Yea.
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CITIZEN 70: Yea.
CITIZEN 71: Yea.
CITIZEN 72: Nay.
CITIZEN 73: Yea.
CITIZEN 74: Nay.
CITIZEN 75: Yea.
CITIZEN 76: Nay.
CITIZEN 77: Yea.
CITIZEN 78: Nay.
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CITIZEN 80: Yea.
CITIZEN 81: Nay.
CITIZEN 82: Nay.
CITIZEN 83: Nay.
CITIZEN 84: Yea.
CITIZEN 85: Yea.
CITIZEN 86: Nay.
CITIZEN 87: Yea.
CITIZEN 88: Nay.
CITIZEN 89: Nay.
CITIZEN 1: Okay. Count them up.
| Black Belts | Steve Loves Doritos |
| Warren Buffett | Bitch-Seat for XBOX |
| Martian Invasion | Kid Phantom |
| Sexual Harassment Memo | The Genius of Podd |
| Henry Frick | Yogi Berra |
