A Time to Die

Gerald: I think it’s time, Doc.
Vet: Well, yes it is. Sparky is due for his rabies shot.
Gerald: No, not the rabies shot.
Vet: The canine leukemia shot ...

Steve Loves Doritos

Daniel: Well, the apartment was a decent size, but still pretty expensive for a one-bedroom.
Rob: Yeah, this is definitely a renter’s market. I think you can afford –
Steve ...

Hostess

What restaurant owners think could happen:

UGLY HOSTESS: Hi, how many?
PATRON: Jesus- never mind. (leaves hungrily)