Career Day
So, for this year’s Career Day, I’ve brought in my mom, or as you guys may know her, Ms. Jameson, our fifth period math teacher:
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So, the first ...
Screen Name
- Well it was nice to meet you man.
- You too, let’s keep in touch.
- Alright, what’s your screen-name?
- It’s NBABaller1789.
- Cool, good screen-name.
- Thanks, so what’s ...
Domestic Abuse
A conversation between a man on trial for domestic abuse and his attorney, before the trial, which they lost:
ATTORNEY: You can’t wear that to the trial.
MAN: What ...
Jim Carrey Being Introduced at the VH1 Movie Awards
-Ladies and gentleman, it is pleasure to introduce...it is a pleasure. It—it is a great pleasure to...(laughing) Jim, stop—stop doing that.
[Jim Carrey’s face appears on the Titantron. He is picking his nose and motioning his tongue as if he were giving cunnilingus. He asks the crowd to cheer if they want him to come on stage. They comply.]
-Ladies…ladies and gentlemen. I am…proud to…proud to…Jesus—Jesus Christ, Jim. Stop…(laughing) Stop. Jim…you can’t--Jim, you can’t come…on this stage. You can’t come on the…Jim. You can’t come on the stage yet.
[Jim Carrey appears on stage with his back facing the crowd, shaking his buttocks from side to side. The crowd begins to chant “Carrey! Carrey!” as he turns his head one hundred eighty degrees to face them. He is wearing designer sunglasses, a dark leather jacket, and Hawaiian underwear. We know this because he has just thrown his pants into the crowd. He begins to moonwalk, backwards, still shaking his buttocks. He is pulling his hair back and forth, causing his head to jerk from side to side. These jerks coincide with his individual moonsteps, making it appear as if he is some sort of puppet master controlling himself with invisible strings. He places his top row of teeth over his bottom lip, so as to appear mentally retarded.]
-(laughing) Jim. Ladies...Jim. Now—Now stop. Jim.
Cybering | Motown |
Wikipedia History | Oedipus Complex |
Script Summaries | Pokémon Battle |
Bitch-Seat for XBOX | INTERNS WANTED AT LA PRODUCTION STUDIO |
On a Deathbed | Commencement Speech at My Dog College |