In order to find out whether or not a person is a member of the Klan, Klansmen often say “AYAK,” which stands for “Are you a Klansman?” If the person is one, he’ll respond by saying “AKIA,” which stands for “A Klansman I am.” It’s probably pretty awkward when the person isn’t a member.
-Hi, how are you?
-I’m good thanks. Just filling her up.
-Ah, same over here. Just a lazy Sunday.
-Yes sir.
-…
-…
-Ayak.
-What?
-Hello!
Western Martial Arts institutions are often criticized when compared to their Japanese counterparts for awarding black belts too commonly. This is especially problematic at youth karate tournaments.
Alvin: Hey—are you Zach? Hey, I’m Alvin. I think we’re fighting each other today.
Zach: Hey, nice to meet you.
Alvin: So where are you from?
Zach: Well, I used to live in New York City, but my parents made me spend the last six years in Japan, to work on my Karate. How about you?
Alvin: I live in New York City. I’ve lived there my whole life. So wait—how long did it take you to get your black belt?
Zach: It took me all six years ...
craiginparis.blogspot.com
August 29, 2008
A Confession
Hey all,
Sorry about not blogging in a while, but I just want to get something off my chest: the trip to France that I went on this past summer and recapped in earlier posts was actually a lie. I never actually went there. Basically, I just sat in my room here in Plattsburgh and downloaded photos of France and copied and pasted entries from other people’s blogs. So all that stuff about the wine tasting thing in Avignon and our wacky boat ride on the French Riviera and my host family’s strange predilection for milk – all lies. I thought I’d be able to ignore the guilt, but it ...
Read more →A conversation between a man on trial for domestic abuse and his attorney, before the trial, which they lost:
ATTORNEY: You can’t wear that to the trial.
MAN: What’s wrong with my wifebeater? I like my wifebeater.
ATTORNEY: I wish you would stop saying that.
MAN: But that’s what it’s called. A wifebeater.
Corporate strategy meeting, Under Armour headquarters
-So how do people feel about this?
-Hold on, sir, can we just go over one more time: Heat Gear® is for hot weather? Or it keeps your hot in cold weather?
-What do you think Heat Gear® does?
-Well, first I was thinking it’s for hot weather, like I think that’s what everyone thinks at first. But then I thought, and maybe I shouldn’t have been thinking this much, that maybe it keeps your hot in cold weather? I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know what Heat refers to, whether it’s the weather or your body.
-What the hell do you think it ...
What restaurant owners think could happen:
UGLY HOSTESS: Hi, how many?
PATRON: Jesus- never mind. (leaves hungrily)
What I always hope my friends will say when I get back to our table after doing karaoke:
“Did you take voice lessons when you were younger?”
“Have you ever thought about seriously pursuing a music career?”
“I finally understand why you hate kids in a capella groups: it’s not because you’re jealous of them, it’s because you’re significantly better at singing.”
“What blew me away was that you were really good but it looked like you weren’t even trying your hardest. It was as if you didn’t care and found the whole thing kind of corny.”
“You definitely weren’t awkward at all, especially during the instrumental parts.”
“When we were all screaming ...
WOMAN: Hey there. Orlando, right? How’s the cleaning going?
ORLANDO: Pretty good. I was just checking the outflow levels.
WOMAN: Really? How are they? Hey—do you want a drink? I make great drinks. Let me get you a drink.
ORLANDO: I’m okay. Besides, I need both hands to skim the water for dirt.
WOMAN: Wow, I never noticed. Your muscles. They’re so…so defined. So sculpted. So powerful.
ORLANDO: Oh, this stuff? (holds up chemical). Yeah, it’s pretty potent, it’ll kill most of the debris. Not the big ones though. It doesn’t kill the leaves (laughs).
WOMAN: Um, yeah. Hey—is it just me, or is it hot out here? (takes off robe ...
